I want to breathe the air from atop a mountain at dawn. I wish to smell the salty air and hold sand in my hands as I watch an ocean I have never seen before breathe. I wish to meet new waters. New lands. What do the trees look like in Tennessee? What is Vermont like? What does the music in the French Quarter sound like?
I feel like a cocoon just opening. Shouldering my way out of the crepe paper and nearing a time where I can see the world with wings. I lived a fairly sheltered life growing up, protected, not much money, a few memorable vacations and visits home to family that I hold onto with fervor in memory. I was one day a child and the next a mother straddling the worlds. I have given all I have to raising a family, being a wife, creating businesses that help others. I have truly lived and loved fiercely the first part of my life. Now, I stand in a doorway, shifting my shoulder out of the cocoon.
I want stability too. I want my shop to remain where it is. My work is absolute magic and enchantment and healing and is amazing. I do not wish for different calling. I am thrilled that my daughter is a plant spirit medicine keeper too. That she can run the shop with efficiency and compassion if I were to fly away for a moment…or two.
Untethered, but by shop and family, who do need me as much, I am free to roam about the country seeing foliage change in the northeast, and wild berries in the south, organic farms in the west, and Creator’s hand across everything. I want to see it, document it, paint it, write it, breathe it, experience it. I have found myself with an incurable fear of missing out.
What does a firefly look like? What does fresh fish taste like? What does the sun look like as it sets over a thick forest of fireflies and laughter? I must find out.