A Note to Young Parents from Grammie

me and mThe little boy began to holler, “I don’t want a spanking!”  I stood in line watching.  The mother’s cart was full and she was getting frustrated.  He repeated the mantra desperately as his stoic father took the three year old by the hand and led him to the bathroom.  I held my breath until his piercing cry held the air.  I had a sudden urge to find a frying pan and go give the dad a good spanking.  Violence begets violence.

My loves, dear beloved parents, you have been lied to by society.  They tell you that if you don’t spank your child that you will end up with an unruly, spoiled brat.  This is so not true.  You will end up with a loved, confident, compassionate child.

family
My beautiful family. My babies are all incredible, loving adults.

Let’s for a moment exchange the benign word “spank” for what it really is, “hit”, and use it in a sentence.  I hit my child because he was acting up in Walmart.  I hit my mom because she spilled her drink when I told her to settle down.  I hit my husband because he left his dirty clothes on the ground.  I hit my child because he was frustrated and tired and so was I.

Here is what you actually teach a child when you spank them.

#1 I am bigger than you so I get my way.

#2 Violence solves problems.

#3 I can hit, but you can’t.  You are not as important as me.

And for those of us that were spanked (hit…same thing) do you remember what you were spanked for?  I just know that they were mad.  I didn’t clean my room in time.  My cousin and I stayed up laughing when we were supposed to be asleep.

zoo
Don’t sweat the small stuff! Have fun with your kids. They don’t stay little for very long.

See, as a Grammie now, none of those things really matter.  In the whole scheme of the world it doesn’t matter if they act up in Walmart.  We are more concerned by what people are thinking than what our child is thinking.  It doesn’t matter if they don’t go to sleep right away, or if they cut their hair with art scissors, or draw on the wall, or have a fit half way through the day.  It’s a good thing my husband doesn’t hit me.  I am guilty of all these things still!

Violence and hate in this world are not new.  We can counteract that by raising sensitive, loved children who are raised with non-violence.  Time out, talking it out, and letting the consequence fit the small crime are all better ways of leading.  And give the three year old a break.  It ain’t easy being three!

Your job as a parent is to love and raise a child who will bring more light and compassion to the world.  You are doing a great job!  If you need help, ask a Grammie.

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